The Little School of Wishing

This format is a method for conflict resolution between two partners or parties. It requires mutual appreciation, trust, and a fundamental interest from both sides in reconciliation.

The format is not effective if conditioned behavioral patterns between the partners—so-called calibrated loops—are contributing to the conflict. In such cases, the "Re-Anchoring Couples" method is more appropriate to dissolve the loops using anchors.

Coaching Process

Step 1:

Presenting the Problem and Making Agreements

The conflict situation is described at the start, and ground rules for a confidential and open dialogue are established. These include honesty, respect, trust, and permission for the coach to interrupt both parties if necessary.

Step 2:

Expressing a Wish

One of the parties (Party A) expresses a wish concerning the relationship. The coach ensures that the goal is well-formed and corrects it if needed using the Meta-Model. If a calibrated loop is detected, the coach neutralizes it using an anchor.

Step 3:

Conditions for Fulfillment

After the wish is communicated to the second party (Party B), it must be clear how Party B can fulfill this request. If any part remains unclear, Party A must clarify or set specific conditions for the wish.

Step 4:

Willingness to Fulfill the Wish

Now it’s time to ask whether Party B is actually willing to fulfill the wish. If they agree, a mutual agreement is formed. If Party B has objections, they may propose conditions or formulate a wish of their own. If they are unsure, the coach explores what benefits or meta-needs are being fulfilled by withholding agreement.

Step 5:

Meta-Needs

Next, the meta-needs of both parties are identified. Party B describes what personal, partner-related, or relationship-centered interest is driving their reluctance to fulfill the wish. Party A then explains the higher purpose behind their request. From this discussion, an alternative wish may be formed.

Step 6:

Agreement

The needs of both parties are integrated into a single agreement, which is sealed with a commitment to put it into practice. Both parties choose three specific situations in which they will apply what they’ve learned.

Step 7:

Follow-up

The coach asks how each party would behave in situations that could jeopardize the agreement.