Courage – Energy for Change

Introduction

We often know exactly what needs to be done, yet we lack the courage to actually do it. We hesitate, have concerns, don’t believe in the success of our dreams. Discover how you can unleash the courage within you and finally find the energy to get started.

NLP – Having strength, having courage, tackling things, facing your fears, confronting them.

Great ideas, thoughts, and approaches can emerge anywhere, in every imaginable or everyday situation: whether in the restroom, during a car ride, in the sauna, or in the midst of a long sleepless night. “Wow projects” pop up, time and time again, in many people’s minds. They shape, develop, and invent unique projects that may captivate a large audience and simply inspire them. Countless people have this ability to create a “wow project.”

Why do we know nothing about them? Because these projects remain in people’s heads and hearts. They do have the potential to excite and motivate, but they stay hidden. These dreams and visions remain only fiction, because they never move beyond that stage; nothing ever comes of them. Courage and self-confidence are lacking. Belief in oneself and in one’s project.

So we need people who inspire others to take on one or another “wow project” despite uncertainty. “And I, too, am happy to receive postcards” – because seeing others succeed is motivating. Not only for those acting, but also for the onlookers. The proud and satisfied faces of those who dared and had the courage to believe in themselves and their idea reinforce our own drive to act.

That is what repeatedly gives me the energy to do my work, even if a week consists of seven working days.

The most important thing is taking action. As long as “wow projects” exist only in people’s minds, they never have the chance to excite and inspire others, or motivate them to pursue their own goals. Visions should not remain theoretical; they need to be carried out into the world and put into practice.

Three Steps to Greater Courage

1. Sense of Self-Worth

What is something worth?

Three essential factors help in bringing what is inside outward and experiencing the development of courage. The first step toward doing what lies within you is to determine your own self-worth. Who are you, what are you worth? Let’s use a 500-euro note as an illustration. Its face value is straightforward: 500 euros. But what is its actual value; what can you do with it? You could buy shoes or pay for university fees, for instance. In other countries, it could feed a whole family or pay for a life-saving operation.

The note’s face value remains 500 euros regardless of whether it lies on the ground, gets trampled on, or spat upon. The true value, as these examples show, is always subjective and varies from person to person. The key is the individual’s personal use of it.

What am I worth? What is an individual worth? What is a human being worth? My self-worth cannot be destroyed unless I destroy it myself. The face value is my personal self-worth; what I allow myself to be, what I believe I am worth. Others might ascribe a higher or lower value to me, but ultimately I am the one who defines my worth based on my sense of self-worth.

The Dignity of the Individual

Human dignity is inviolable – as already enshrined in the constitution. Yet the simple act of putting it in writing doesn’t mean this principle is automatically observed by everyone at all times.

“Just because the law states that your dignity is inviolable doesn’t mean you’ll be treated well.” One has to take action, stand up for oneself, and defend one’s dignity if there is any threat of it being violated.

Human dignity is inviolable – many people first need to grasp this for themselves, remind themselves of it time and again, and act accordingly.

Saying “No,” standing up against being treated or rather mistreated in a certain way, having the courage to say “No,” that is MY life. Children are born with a healthy, intact sense of self-worth, which is why they tend to display more courage than adults do. They know from an early age that they are valuable and that values like life and love—which so many of us fight for daily—are simply and obviously the most important things. Unfortunately, this certainty seems to decrease as the years progress; people seem to forget or even begin to doubt the fundamental things in life.

There is no reason for this, however; it’s all a matter of self-perception, self-assessment, and the willingness to acknowledge your own worth. Mark Twain once observed: “What a person thinks of themselves determines their fate.”

Having a positive sense of self-worth thus paves the way for future success and overall satisfaction in life.

Human dignity is inviolable – it’s already enshrined in the constitution. But before someone treats you as valuable, you must treat yourself as valuable. How others perceive and appreciate you depends on how you stand by yourself and display it outwardly. You are treated in accordance with your own sense of self-worth. The reactions of the outside world to an individual are merely a reflection of and defined by that individual’s self-concept: I define the value. My value.

Self-Love

“When I started loving myself, I freed myself from everything that was unhealthy for me: from foods, people, things, situations, and everything that dragged me down and away from my true self. At first, I called it ‘healthy selfishness,’ but today I know it is ‘SELF-LOVE.’” – Charlie Chaplin This beautiful quote by Charlie Chaplin resembles, upon closer inspection, a passage from the Gospel of Matthew in the New Testament, specifically Matthew 22:37/39.

The well-known saying, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” could be interpreted differently in that self-love should actually precede love of others. After all, how can you open yourself up to other people and fully devote yourself to them if you do not even understand how to appreciate yourself? A positive self-perception reveals a broader vision and opens one’s eyes to new perspectives. However, a widely held misconception is that people believe they can only gain value through another’s love; thus they seek out someone to love in the hope it will increase their own sense of worth. But the only way to give something to others is first to accept oneself— with all your quirks and edges, strengths and weaknesses. Because the key to yourself is simultaneously the key to the world.

Five Theses

1. We are born perfect beings, and upbringing shapes us to better fit our environment. Humans are perfect from the very beginning of life; however, upbringing tries to push us in certain directions, to shape us and correct us. Upbringing includes the influences of all the people who impact us, starting with parents and teachers. Our whole life is a process of shaping and correction. At least, it’s an attempt. But it doesn’t really work.

2. Every person is a personality if they are themselves. Unfortunately, we often never really see what a person is like or what personality they have. People hide who they are in their attempt to be “perfect.” They try to adopt traits that don’t actually belong to them, things they simply are not. They would rather be someone else, just not themselves. But that’s precisely what’s needed: to be yourself—no more, no less. Additionally, every person is free to develop in their own life, regardless of whether someone else might prefer “the old you.”

Yes, feedback is important, even essential, but you shouldn’t forget yourself in the process. By constantly trying to please others, you end up hurting not only yourself but others as well, by depriving them of your true personality.

I can’t buy anything with who I used to be. The question is: Who am I today? How am I today, what am I today? And first and foremost, I define that myself.

3. A person develops the way a butterfly does. In childhood, they are like a caterpillar, feeding and growing. Then, in puberty, they experience their environment’s constraints, like a cocoon, and withdraw to find out who they are. This withdrawal is not always quiet. As adults, the unfolding begins, the hatching, leading to flight. Things get interesting around adolescence. That’s when we reach our limits but also retreat, depending on temperament and personality. Yet this retreat is not always silent.

With the transition to adulthood, the hatching begins, and this reveals the key difference between butterfly and human. Human unfolding doesn’t occur over a few hours or days; a person might need an entire lifetime in the extreme. Some of us never fully develop and therefore never truly take off. The explanation is simple: They have reached a point in their lives that leads nowhere—no more perspectives or possibilities; it’s a dead end. Even though they have achieved or done everything others externally determined for them, something is missing. Typically, people who face such a problem and wonder what might have gone wrong are in their early 40s. They experience emptiness and sense that something is amiss.

“I can tell you what’s wrong: you’re flying with only one wing. Or you’re trying to fly but only hopping around with two tiny stumps. You haven’t fully unfolded; you’re not fully developed yet.” Because of the fear of being judged negatively, many people don’t dare to unfold themselves. And this fear makes you small; it inhibits you from fulfilling your potential. Even though you certainly have something to show or the ability to shine.

Techniques alone can’t dispel fear. Of course, a technique can be a crutch or an anchor along the way, but the real path is one you must walk alone. Each life path is always about confronting that which you fear the most. Everyone should realize there’s no escaping confrontation, because it’s only by working up the courage to face what unsettles us that we can grow and develop. Otherwise, we spend our whole life in fear.

Your life path always involves confronting what you fear most.

4. Real growth and real development always arise within a relationship. That’s why relationships can be so exhausting. Other people are the key to our own unfolding; they enable it through their actions and reactions, their acceptance and affection. But also by hating us, rejecting us, and insulting us. By oppressing or supporting us. Hence, other people provide external support for our own path.

Love, acceptance, hate, rejection, insults, oppression, liberation, support— all of these actions by other people help us.

5. Relationships are the mirror in which we see ourselves as we truly are. To grow, we need all the experiences a person can have. Every experience, whether good or bad, is valuable for our development. NLP can be used to muster courage, to take action, to set an anchor, and to face our fears so that we ultimately emerge victorious, rich in self-confidence and self-development. That simply means: if a problem arises, don’t run away. Have the strength, have the courage to confront it.

Your life path is always about confronting what you fear most.

2. The Mirror Law

We mirror each other and thus give ourselves the chance to learn more about ourselves and others.

The mirror law consists of four interrelated aspects showing that our perception of others is nothing more than a reflection of ourselves. The person opposite us helps us explore our true self and beliefs bit by bit. Because everything we criticize or even fight against and seek to change in the other person, in truth we criticize, fight against, and suppress in ourselves, wishing it were different within us too. This is an aspect we carry within us first and foremost. Any criticism is not actually directed at the other person; it is simply self-criticism. Things and feelings we dislike about ourselves we also dislike when we see them in others.

The second part of the mirror law states: If external criticism affects or hurts you, this reaction shows that the criticism touches an aspect of your current personality that is not fully developed. You have not yet fully accepted yourself, nor learned to embrace your weaknesses, quirks, and edges— all of which make up part of your identity and belong to you. Hence, if the remarks distress you, that indicates your ego is too strong and your self-awareness is too weak.

Once your personality has moved a step further, when self-love and acceptance prevail, you have reached the third part of the mirror law. If you’re criticized again, you respond confidently: “Yes, I am like that—so what?” At this point, it becomes quite apparent that the accuser’s problem is not with you but with themselves. The trait they condemn in someone else is something they have not resolved within themselves. This leads to external projection. But if the accusation doesn’t bother you and you simply notice it, your calmness naturally irritates them. They themselves are struggling to improve or suppress a trait they find challenging, while another person with the exact same weakness is not even trying to change it. Why? Because that person simply accepts it as it is; they’re fine with not being able to do everything. That can be infuriating.

I recognize myself in the other person – in that moment, we are one.

“Whatever we love, appreciate, and admire in others, we also possess as an aspect of ourselves. We love that aspect within ourselves.” Likewise, just as we dislike negative aspects in ourselves or others, we treasure another person’s positive qualities and want to have them too. But that desire is superfluous, because these qualities were already within us all along.

The only difference is that they have not yet been fully realized in our own personalities. Without question, it is precisely this alignment that creates a feeling of unity and rapport. That means everything we find admirable in other people, we also possess. If these things weren’t already part of our own personality, we wouldn’t be able to resonate with them.

Wherever you encounter people doing incredible things, thinking insightful thoughts, acting, or speaking in a remarkable way, rest assured you have that in you, too.

3. Self-Image

Where am I?

The final step toward greater courage is recognizing yourself—knowing what makes up your personality. Very few can truly gauge what would happen if they dared to be completely themselves. They’re too afraid of how others will react.

But suppose for a moment that only the feeling inside of you mattered. “If you were simply yourself, who would you be? How does it feel? How does it feel to just be yourself?” A small thought experiment can sometimes reveal a great deal about who we are, since real-world constraints often prevent us from acting on what we want. The main thing is to picture the situation you’re in when you’re simply being yourself. Which place, environment, people, and circumstances come to mind? A straightforward question: Where am I?

What am I doing?

Our activities and behavior are likewise significant and revealing. What we love to do and what brings us joy empower us and make us feel alive. Take, for example, a gifted musician who plays the piano passionately. This very elderly man can barely walk, nor can he even open a bottle by himself. Yet when this man, visibly marked by his age, sits down at the piano in the morning, a transformation occurs: he becomes a young, vigorous twenty-year-old pianist. His arthritic fingers loosen up, his back straightens, and he can play the piano for twenty or even thirty minutes.

Every person has something within them that grants enormous strength and makes the impossible possible, as in the pianist’s case. No matter what it may be that lets you practically pull up trees, everyone should discover this inner resource, bottle it up, and use it as often as possible—even if it’s only once a day for twenty minutes. At least those twenty minutes spent in a state of flow.

What am I doing? – That’s who you are when you live your own true self.

I believe every person has something that grants them tremendous energy. And every person should find it and preserve it, to do it as often as possible, even if only for 20 minutes a day. At least for those 20 minutes a day, fully in flow.

What can I do?

Doing something is one thing. Doing it well, doing it with skill, is something else entirely. Often, people don’t value the things they find easy. They do them effortlessly, without much struggle. And though these things make them happy, they direct their focus toward things they find difficult. Instead of nurturing their talent, they squander significant time, money, and energy on something they not only fail to master but actually don’t like at all. It’s far more sensible to turn who you are into a virtue: “I accept myself as I am.” Sure, someone skilled in NLP can find a reframe to explain their behavior to others.

But reframing for yourself is wholly unnecessary. Self-acceptance is the magic word.

Reframing outward: OK.

Reframing inward: NO GO.

What is important to me, and what do I believe in?

Every day, countless people die for their freedom— their freedom of religion, their freedom of travel, their freedom of speech. They would rather die than relinquish these freedoms. They know better than anyone else what makes life truly worth living. In our affluent society, however, most people have lost any sense of what genuinely makes life worth living. At the slightest problem, we turn to psychologists or a coach, simply because we’ve lost the ability to truly live. What we’re doing is hardly worthy of being called life. We may still be breathing and moving, but we’re not really living. We’re merely surviving. We don’t live our own life, but someone else’s—copy #624. The question of what is important to you in life, of what is worth living or dying for, is crucial for a person’s complete development.

Who am I?

Every person is as unique as their fingerprint. The only question is: “Do you dare to be so unique and live it out?” A lot of learning today is done with a cookie-cutter approach. We allow our behavior and manners to be shaped by others because we so desperately want to be perfect. But “being right” just means “being yourself.” Allowing yourself to be unique, being proud of it, and showing it to the world is truly living your life.

Of course it’s good to know some formalities and procedures— how something is done or should be done. Whether you choose to adopt these into your personality and behavioral repertoire is entirely up to you. Fulfilling someone else’s expectations won’t get you anywhere if that’s not who you are. If that really is who I am, then that’s fine if someone dislikes me, because then we simply don’t need to see each other so often. It’s better that one person dislikes you than for you to pretend to be someone else your whole life—someone you’re not— just to please them. That makes no sense.

“You are created in my image.” If we truly are an image of the divine, then we can only be perfect as we are.

Being “right” doesn’t mean becoming ourselves. Being “right” means being ourselves. Perhaps not necessarily in others’ eyes, but in our own. Continually discovering yourself is the greatest adventure. To keep discovering yourself over and over again.

Where do I belong?

“I made a decision. Rather than drive a BMW 3 Series with all the extras, a bigger engine, etc., I opted for a 10-year-old diesel Mercedes. But one thing’s for certain: I drove 70,000 kilometers in that ‘nice’ Mercedes last year, and I enjoyed every single kilometer. In the fancy BMW before that, I probably drove at least as many kilometers, but I enjoyed very few of them. The money was right, but nothing else was.”

Answering the question of where you belong and what you’re part of isn’t that difficult. But saying you’re proud of it and stand behind it a hundred percent is something many people struggle with, because they’re not proud or content. Still, they don’t change their situation because they’re afraid to do what makes them happy. Sometimes that means giving up things that seem important but really aren’t important at all to your wellbeing. On the contrary, they usually just get in your way. Doing what makes you happy, allowing yourself to unfold and grow, is ultimately what truly matters.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson, “A Return to Love”

The glory of God is in each of us. The only question is whether you awaken it, whether you allow it and elevate your sense of self-worth.

It’s tremendously important to share your experiences and knowledge with others, so they too have a chance to show their own light. – “I wish you the same you wish for me.”