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• by Ralf Stumpf

Strengths-Oriented Coaching

Strengths-Oriented Coaching (SOC)

Even during my own NLP Practitioner training in 1989, I started coaching – and indeed in a way that I would officially advise anyone against: without a completed NLP certificate, without supervision, without any exchange with colleagues. That's quite risky! I was very aware of that risk, which is why I chose, from the very beginning, a coaching style that let me play it safe – by always staying in conscious collaboration with my coachees. I would reveal all interventions, walk every step together with the coachee, and never push past any resistance. I always took care to work with the coachee's strengths.

A few years later, I became an NLP Master Trainer, teaching this outstanding coaching method to others. By then, it was clear to me: NLP is already very goal- and resource-oriented compared to other methods, but there was still room for more!

At that time, I gave a talk at an NLP conference with the provocative title: “Who has a problem and wants to get ahead?” – referencing a frequently used line in training. I wanted an even more strengths-focused coaching method than the one NLP already offered!

From that desire, I developed Strengths-Oriented Coaching (SOC) in the early 2000s and trained people in it up until 2007. Then I discovered that Steve de Shazer, Insoo Kim Berg, and Gunther Schmidt had already created precisely what I was seeking: a coaching method that does not regard the coachee as deficient, but instead sees them as highly capable and resourceful. After that discovery, I no longer pursued my own SOC approach. Instead, I integrated SFBT and the hypnosystemic approach into my work and my DVNLP Coach trainings, which I've been running since 2011. Thanks to NLP modeling, it’s quite straightforward to detect, articulate, and teach the essence of other methods.

However, I still love using the SOC exercises! Back then, for the SOC training, I created numerous exercises that still play a large part in my coach training today and that the participants always enjoy greatly. These exercises aren’t so much direct coaching techniques you might apply in a session. Instead, they’re akin to “finger exercises” a musician would do: isolated practice tasks for certain skills that you will then deploy in an actual coaching session. If you practice these skills well, full integration happens by itself!

From these many SOC exercises, I'd like to share a few with you in this e-book.

SOC Exercise #1: Affirmation Amplifies!

The first exercise is one of the simplest – and also contains the core of strengths-oriented coaching. It’s about noticing carefully whether you respond more to strengths or to weaknesses.

Coach and Coachee in the Coaching Setting:

1. The coach accentuates the coachee’s strengths once and their weaknesses once (about 2 minutes each) – ideally so subtly that the coachee barely notices.
2. The coach then deliberately does not respond to strengths for a bit, and then does not respond to weaknesses for a bit. You can do this discreetly or quite obviously – both ways are revealing!
3. “Emphasize the good in the bad”: The coach highlights the positive aspects in the “bad” scenario, then the negative ones in the “good.” (Example: “How are you?” – “Not so good…” – “Not so good? Or not so extraordinary…?”)

In all the exercises: The coachee can play along by either being especially resourceful or especially resource-poor. (That yields up to 16 variations total!) The interesting part is discovering what the coach finds easier or more “familiar.”

SOC Exercise #2: The Coaching God

One of our biggest goals in SOC was to clarify exactly what “great coaching” is and how to recognize it (the classic NLP question about criteria). To practice this, I developed the “Coaching God” exercise, which rapidly became one of the most popular:

Coach and Coachee do a role-play:

• Round 1: The coachee draws a “role card.”
• Round 2: The coach draws a “role card.”
• Round 3: Both draw “role cards.”
• Extra Round: The audience draws cards.

Debrief: How do expectations and assumptions affect the coaching process? (What is “good coaching” anyway?) How do you differentiate whether your coachee actually has a real issue or is pretending? How does the coachee themselves figure that out? What’s your mental image of yourself as a coach—and of your coachees? Might a different mental image lead to better coaching?

The “role” cards:

Coachee

You’re two great coaches shooting a demonstration for an instructional video. You play the coachee.

You’re simply yourself as coachee.

Your coach is a newbie – one of their first sessions (it’s free)…

You suspect your coach is having an affair with your wife (husband) and want to investigate them in this session…

You are a coach yourself, and the other person is your biggest competitor, who’s taking all your clients. What do they do differently, why so successful? You want to find out!

Coach

• You are The Coaching God. Legendary, unstoppable, surprising. Thousands want to see you, it’s nearly impossible to get an appointment, the fee is massive. You only give one session...
• You are a Participant in a Coaching Training with your teacher. You play the coach in a role-play. The teacher wants to teach you something...
• You are two actors filming a coaching scene. You’re the coach. It can be super cliché if you want!
• Your coachee is actually a journalist investigating the “psycho swamp.” They’re faking their issue, wanting to see how coaching works, without letting you know...
• You’re two excellent coaches filming a demonstration for a training video. You are the coach.
• You’re yourself, a coach.
• You’re a junior coach, just starting out (the session is free).
• Your coachee might be sleeping with your spouse and only booked this session to meet you face to face...
• Your coachee is also a coach, your biggest rival. Maybe they’re just trying to spy on you. Possibly you can feed them false secrets so they fail next time – cunning idea...!

We thus have 9 “coachee” cards and 9 “coach” cards. We can pass out all 18 to the audience, etc.

SOC Exercise #3: Who Has Rapport?

• A states a topic, or B draws a topic card (listed below).
• B frames the topic on every logical level (in sequence or by drawing level-cards):
  • … as a Problem,
  • … as a Goal,
  • … as a from-to (A→B) scenario.
• If A gave a real topic, B uses A’s physiology to see which level is most promising. (If using a topic card, skip that.)
• B defines success criteria for the coaching (note: difference between coachee’s and coach’s perspective).
• B suggests a possible format (maybe with a “Plan B”).

SOC Exercise #4: The Logical-Level Shuffle

• A names a topic or B draws a topic card (see below).
• B formulates the topic on all logical levels (I–V, problem, goal, from→to …).
• If A gave a real topic, B decides from A’s signals which level is best (with a topic card, skip this step).
• B states success criteria (differentiating between the actual topic and the coach’s assignment).
• B names a possible format – maybe with “Plan B.”

Derived Flexibility Drills (SOC Exercise #5):

Combo: Topics × Levels

1. B draws a “level” card.
2. A names a topic.
3. B frames that topic (problem, goal, A→B) on the selected level and “sells” it to A.

Combo: Topics × Formats

1. B draws a “format” card.
2. A names a topic.
3. B frames that topic (problem, goal, A→B) to fit that format, then “sells” it to A.

Combo: Levels × Formats

1. B draws a “level” card.
2. B or A draws a “format” card.
3. B explains how to apply that format at that level.

Combo: Topics × Levels × Formats

1. B draws a “level” and a “format.”
2. A states a topic.
3. B frames that topic on the given level, describing how to approach it with that format.

SOC Exercise #6: Format Flexibility

Beginners: Pick an NLP format you’re comfortable with and describe at least three ways to do it. Or better: do them!

Advanced: Pick an NLP format, draw a “how to do it” card (see below), and do it that way!

Super-Pros: Combine with the previous “combo card” exercise. Imagine how that hones your NLP skills!

Note: Always remember that your success criteria for the coachee’s change are, by definition, only on levels I and II. The coachee might have additional criteria on a higher level (III). You might also have further criteria at level III for yourself. If you’re working on changes at higher levels (IV, V, VI), they will show on the lower levels (I, II, III). So if you’re working “high up,” ensure your success criteria are feasible!

The Card Lists

The Logical Levels

1. Context
2. Behavior
3. Strategy, ability, internal processes, submodalities
4. Filters, meta-programs
5. Values
6. Beliefs
7. Identity (self-image)
8. Belonging
9. Vision, mission, spirituality

Important Practitioner/Master NLP Formats

1. Change Future
2. Change History
3. Circle of Excellence
4. Collapse Anchors
5. The Value and Its Deficiency
6. Disney Strategy
7. Entering the Resource Physiology
8. Integrating Conflicting Beliefs
9. Internal Negotiation
10. Core Intention
11. Logical Levels Alignment
12. Mapping Across
13. Meta Mirror
14. New Behaviour Generator
15. New Belief Generator
16. Outcome
17. Parts Party
18. Re-Anchoring
19. Re-Imprinting
20. Expanding Resources
21. Resource Supercharger
22. S.C.O.R.E. Integration
23. Fast Phobia Cure
24. Self-Integration
25. Self-Nurturing
26. Six-Step-Reframe
27. Swish / Compulsion Blowout

Topics

1. I smoke and want to quit.
2. My boss is tough: I can never do enough for him, he always wants more results...
3. Actually life’s great, but I’m not sure what direction I really want in life...
4. In three months, I face the Heilpraktiker exam, and it’s so much to do...
5. I find it so hard to approach attractive men/women, I can’t break out of my shell.
6. My parents didn’t really want me, and I still feel unwanted.
7. My spouse and I keep quarreling over little things, but we do love each other!
8. My desk is piled high, and I can’t start. Can you make me motivated?!
9. I have spider phobia!

Ways to Deliver a Format (partially combinable)

1. Classic conversation style
2. Using kinesthetic anchors
3. Using visual anchors
4. Using spatial anchors (markers on floor, chairs, etc.)
5. As a constellation with figures, dolls, cards, candy
6. As a constellation with stand-ins
7. In casual small talk
8. As a general metaphor (“recently I read in the paper…”)
9. “That once happened to me…”
10. “I had a client the other day…”
11. “Erickson used to do it like this…”
12. As a guided fantasy (trance, audiobook style)
13. Without actual content (meta level only)
14. Just explained (the format spelled out in words)
15. The coach does the entire format, the coachee passively follows
16. Intensive (raise emotional intensity, “operating temperature”)
17. Kinesthetic, physically re-enacted (“Let’s do it physically”)
18. By phone
19. By email or letter
20. On paper (sketch, diagram, or image)
21. Visualized (inner mental cinema)

I wish you a lot of fun and success with these SOC exercises. Regardless of whether NLP is your profession or your hobby, keep a playful approach to the method! We learn best when we’re enjoying ourselves. Experiment, try “mistakes” on purpose. The more naturally you incorporate NLP into your life, the more it becomes an everyday tool, a “language of transformation.”