Ofrenda: The Inner Altar Principle

Many inner parts once protected us—today they function like old programs that unconsciously control us. With the Ofrenda, an inner altar is created where these protective strategies can be honored, understood, and lovingly integrated. Instead of radical letting go, it is about recognition, gratitude, and a new inner order. A profound, touching contribution by Conny Fichtinger on inner healing, NLP and the power of conscious appreciation.

The term “Ofrenda” comes from Mexican tradition and plays a central role, especially on “Dia de los Muertos”—the “Day of the Dead.” “Dia de los Muertos” is a traditional Mexican holiday celebrating life and death. Unlike in our culture, it is not a sad day, but a loving and joyful one, when the deceased are honored and their souls are symbolically allowed to return to their loved ones.

Families set up a so-called ofrenda—an altar with photos, flowers, candles, and favorite objects—to guide the deceased back and welcome them home. The belief behind this is that on this day, the boundaries between the world of the living and the dead become permeable for a moment, allowing a loving connection across time and space.

The ofrenda is not a place of mourning, but a place of connection and remembrance—a place where appreciation and farewell can coexist. This attitude—honor, remembrance, and loving release—is the concept I have translated into an NLP format. Instead of an external altar, an inner space is created where old parts, protective programs, or self-images receive exactly what they never had before: recognition for their contributions and permission to find peace.

The format is suitable wherever appreciation, letting go, or saying goodbye can be gently given space. Because sometimes, deep down, we don’t really want to let go completely—even though we’ve long known rationally that a certain behavior no longer serves us and may even hinder or block us. And yet, the thought of finally letting go of certain inner parts, as well as past relationships or old dreams, hurts so much that we’d rather cling to them—after all, they were once very valuable at a certain point in time.

In this article about the Ofrenda, I am referring only to working with inner aspects. Often, these are precisely the inner aspects that emerged very early in childhood. Suitable Ofrenda themes can be identified using the following protective strategy: “I do it this way so that I won’t get hurt again.”

For example, some people strongly suppress their feelings as a form of protection and continue to function reliably through control, or else withdraw so far into the background as possible to avoid drawing attention to themselves. These patterns differ in expression, but not in their underlying logic: These are attempts to create a sense of security, belonging, and clarity in an overwhelming situation.

In adulthood, these strategies continue to operate like automatic programs—often long after the original danger no longer exists.

Additional example topics for the Ofrenda:

• The Invisible Child: Quiet. Conformist. Wondering: “Am I safe here?” Today, we face challenges when it comes to expressing ourselves freely and fully living our own potential.
• The youthful guardian: Suspicious. Cold. Defensive. Wanted to prevent closeness to avoid hurt – Today, struggles with allowing true intimacy.
• The Inner Comforter: Responsible. Striving to create harmony and calm others. Today, she often stands in her own way when it comes to setting clear boundaries, healthy anger, or self-assertion.
• The Strong One: No one was allowed to see how he was really feeling. No tears, no weakness. Today, he is often harsh—not just toward others, but especially toward himself.

These aspects may remain as they are. They have done their best. And they have endured a great deal to protect you. They want to be seen and valued.

The Ofrenda – explained step by step

1. Recognizing and naming inner parts
The first step involves recognizing the inner part that is no longer helpful today but triggers automatic behavior. These parts often only reveal themselves when you look beyond visible behavior and dig deeper to ask about the underlying cause. Fundamentally, this often involves needs such as protection, belonging, love, security, or the avoidance of conflict.

Important: The Ofrenda can only be used for aspects that are no longer actively utilized. It concerns old patterns that still have an automatic effect but are no longer consciously controlled or needed. If a behavior is still actively used in daily life, it is too early for the Ofrenda—because then this aspect still serves a current function.

2. Identify and acknowledge the positive intention
Once a part has become visible, the second step is to understand the positive intention behind its behavior. Inner parts never arise by chance. They develop to cope with a situation that would otherwise have been overwhelming for a child. Even if the aspect’s behavior is now a block or a burden, its motivation at the time was meaningful and necessary. Once it becomes clear why the inner part reacted that way, inner compassion for it often arises for the first time. This acknowledgment creates an attitude of: ‘I see why you did what you did.’ It lays the foundation for the sub-personality to relax—and to become willing to take on a new role at all.

3. Feeling your own emotions towards inner parts
Once the positive intention has been understood, the third step involves becoming aware of your own emotional reactions to this part. In other words, what are your own feelings toward that part? This moment creates the connection between cognitive understanding and genuine inner contact. Many people find that several feelings can arise at once: gratitude, wistfulness, compassion—or even anger, sadness, or shame. It’s all okay. Embrace your inner part and give it your recognition, respect, and appreciation. Go as deeply as possible into your feelings toward this part.

Important: Consciously give these feelings space without judging or suppressing them. For it is only when you acknowledge your own reaction that an authentic encounter with the inner part arises.

4. Offer the inner part a place on the Ofrenda
Once it has become clear what role the part used to play, a decisive moment follows in the fourth step: The part receives a valuable offer—a new inner place where it no longer has to act, fight, or function. And yet is always allowed to stay with you. This step takes the form of a direct inner address, for example:

• “I see how strong you were for us and how hard you fought.
• You were very important to me, and I am very grateful to you.
• You no longer have to carry this burden.
• If you’d like, I’ll take you to a beautiful place where you can rest and always be a part of me!
• You don’t have to do anything anymore!”

So the aspect isn’t “sent away,” but invited to take on a new position that is free of responsibility yet still receives appreciation.

Important: The part gets to decide. Some parts agree immediately. Others hesitate because they believe they are still needed or because their old task has not yet been fully appreciated. If uncertainty arises, it can be helpful to ask:

• “What task do you believe you still need to fulfill?”
• “What would you need to feel secure?”

If a sub-personality isn’t ready, that’s not a mistake, but a clue. In that case, it may make sense to continue working with another NLP format first (e.g., Six-Step Reframing, Time Line work, or a resource expansion) before proceeding with the Ofrenda. Only when the part can truly agree is the foundation laid for the next steps. Then briefly say goodbye to your inner part and tell it that you’ll be right back.

5. Creating the Inner Ofrenda – The Heart of the Matter
Creating the Ofrenda is the heart of the entire exercise. Here, an inner space is created where the part will later find its place—not as something you “want to get rid of,” but as a part of your own story that deserves to be honored and acknowledged. Your own ofrenda should not be created solely for this exercise, but can be seen as a place to which you can return again and again. It is an inner space within us that can be designed in a completely individual and personal way and is symbolically a place of peace and appreciation. An inner place of strength where everything that has been difficult or protective up to now may remain in dignity without being lost. A retreat for reflection that we can arrange beautifully so that we can feel at home there again next time.

You can also place personal items here—for example, pictures of beloved deceased loved ones or even your dog. You may design your ofrenda in a way that feels right to you and where you—with all your parts—truly feel at ease. To make this place tangible, it is set up very deliberately. The ofrenda should not feel abstract or generic, but rather harmonious, warm, and personal.

It is important to take your time with this and tune into what else might be needed to transform the space into an inner sacred place where you feel at ease. Create your own ofrenda with the help of VAKOG.

• What do you see when you think of your Ofrenda?
• Where is your ofrenda located? (Indoors/outdoors...)
• What does it look like? (Table? Mantelpiece? Floor? Large? Small?)
• Is there a window? What can you see when you look out?
• Is there light? (Candles/ lamps/ sunlight)
• Is it decorated? (Flowers/ Decorations/ Symbols)
• Are there any other picture frames there? Or objects?
• Is there a burning fire? Candles?
• Are you alone there?
• Is it quiet there, or can you hear anything? (The crackling of a fire? Music? Animals? Other people?)
• Is it warm or cold there?
• Can you smell anything? (Flowers? Incense? Fire?)
• Do you perhaps even taste something on your tongue?
• Is there a place here where you’d like to sit?
• How do you feel here?

What else might be needed to make this a truly beautiful and personal space for you? Play with submodalities to make it a genuine “feel-good place.” The space can be adjusted until it feels just right. The Ofrenda remains open to change. It can grow, transform, and evolve alongside your own development.

6. Create or obtain a photo
Once the Ofrenda is set up, return to your aspect and welcome it once more. Then ask it to give you a photo as a keepsake. The aspect can hand this photo over to you directly—or you can quickly take a photo yourself, as if you were photographing with an imaginary “finger camera.” It doesn’t matter at all what the photo looks like. It doesn’t have to be perfect, aesthetically pleasing, or fully visible. It won’t even be looked at right away. Only one thing matters: It should be a moment captured with love. The part simply passes this photo over to you internally. That is all that is needed at this point.

7. Saying Goodbye to the Part
In the next step, focus your attention once again entirely on your own feelings toward the part. Explain to the part that its essence will live on forever within you through this photo. Not the part itself, but what defined it: its positive intention, its effort, its protective function. The part may rest and no longer has to fight; it receives a place of honor on your ofrenda, filled with love and appreciation. Hold the photo face down in front of you and speak to your part:

• “You have been by my side for a long time.
• You are a part of me.
• You fought for us, endured, and always wanted to protect us.
• You were important to me.
• I see you.
• I appreciate you.
• And I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
• You can rest now and let go.
• You don’t have to do anything anymore.
• I will never forget you and everything you did for us.
• There will always be this special place for us—filled with gratitude and appreciation. Thank you!”

Say goodbye. Give it a really tight hug. Feel your own emotions for the part once more. When the part is ready, the transition begins. You can, for example, imagine your part dissolving into particles of light and flowing into the photo in front of you. This step is often calm, sometimes emotional, but not dramatic. The point is to feel inwardly: This part no longer needs to act. The connection remains—just in a new form.

8. Ofrenda + Contemplation of the Photo in the Frame
Now look at the photo in your hands—and you’ll notice that you’ve returned to your ofrenda. Take a moment to sense the space and return inwardly to your ofrenda. Then direct your attention once more to the photo, which now lies in a picture frame in your own hands. Now it is a matter of truly perceiving the photo:

• What does the picture frame look like? Color? Shape? Size? Material? Plain? Decorated?
• What exactly do you see in the photo?
• Is it a close-up portrait? Or is it part of a larger scene?
• Is it an old photo? Or was it just taken? In color? Black and white?
• What does the photo convey? Love? Strength? Exhaustion?

How does it feel for you to see your part in the photo? Take a moment to absorb all these impressions and feel the emotion that arises as you look at it. Only then should you move on to the next step.

9. Place the picture frame on the ofrenda
Pause for a moment and connect with the photo in your hands. As soon as it feels right, place the picture frame on the ofrenda. No special ritual is needed. The only important thing is to be fully present in this moment.

10. Reflect + anchor the positive feeling
Take a step back and look at your ofrenda again with your new photo on it. Stay in silence for a moment. What do you feel? Gratitude? Peace? Perhaps even a touch of melancholy? Take your time and notice all your feelings again. When you’re ready, say goodbye to your space. If you’d like, you can anchor that feeling within yourself once more. And you know: “You can return here anytime. This place is constant—for everything you want to let go of, yet don’t want to lose.”