Towards or Away From?

The article discusses the NLP metaprogram "Toward" vs. "Away from," which describes two fundamental motivational directions: people either move toward goals, desires, and opportunities ("Toward") or try to avoid problems, risks, and pain ("Away from"). Both patterns are legitimate and useful depending on the situation. In coaching, leadership, sales, and personal development, recognizing this orientation can help communicate and motivate more effectively. The article provides numerous practical examples, questions, and strategies to address both types individually and enhance their motivation—through appropriate language, clear goals, or tangible relief.

In the world of NLP, metaprograms are among the most fascinating tools for making thought and behavior patterns visible. These patterns are unconscious programs expressed through language and behavior. One of the most fundamental—and at the same time most powerful—metaprograms is the motivational direction: Toward or Away From.

Every person moves through life, both internally and externally. The question is: Toward what are we moving? Or: Away from what are we moving? This metaprogram thus describes our motivational orientation.

"Toward" people focus on goals, desires, and visions. They think in terms of opportunities and possibilities. They want to achieve something.

"Away From" people, on the other hand, concentrate on problems, risks, and dangers. They want to avoid or prevent something.

There are also people for whom both directions play a role: they are driven both by attractive goals and by the desire to avoid unpleasant consequences. This mix often arises unconsciously—not as a deliberately chosen strategy, but as an inner tension between attraction and avoidance.

Both motivational directions are completely legitimate—and depending on the situation, even useful. However, they bring different patterns of thinking and language, which can be strategically used in coaching, leadership, and communication.

"Toward" – Striving for the Positive

"Toward" people align their internal compass with what they want to gain, achieve, or experience. Their focus is not on what is lacking, but on what is possible. They are naturally solution-oriented and often ask themselves questions like:

• "What do I want?"
• "How can I get there?"
• "What would be a worthwhile goal?"

Such individuals think in terms of visions, opportunities, and growth. They draw inspiration and motivation from internal images of their desired future. The goal exerts a strong pull on them—like a magnet drawing them forward. They are forward-focused and result-oriented.

Typical statements include:

• "I want to build my own business."
• "I see so much potential in this project."
• "I finally want to live my full potential."

Linguistically, they are often recognized by positive goal-oriented words such as achieve, build, improve, grow, gain, develop.

Behavioral Patterns and Strengths

• They make decisions more quickly when a goal is sufficiently attractive.
• They are often optimistic, sometimes even visionary.
• They have a high level of goal clarity and are frequently strong motivators—for themselves and others.
• They enjoy checking off to-do lists and celebrating milestones.

Possible Challenges

The "Toward" orientation can also have a shadow side:

• Warning signs may be overlooked because the focus is too strongly on the reward.
• Risks or obstacles are sometimes underestimated.
• Some get lost in pursuing too many goals at once and lose focus.
• Motivation can suddenly vanish if the goal no longer seems appealing.

"Toward" people live from the idea that life offers something worth reaching. They need a goal that excites them—then they spring into action. When supporting such individuals, it is particularly effective to work with goal imagery, vision boards, and positive future-oriented questions.

"Away From" – The Inner Protective Mechanism

"Away From" people focus on what they want to avoid, prevent, or get rid of. They are vigilant toward risks, sensitive to disruptions, and think proactively about potential problems. Their motivation often arises from dissatisfaction with the status quo or from anticipating negative consequences.

Typical Questions They Ask:

• "What must not happen?"
• "What do I need to protect myself from?"
• "How can I avoid this?"
• "How can we prevent something worse?"

Their thinking is problem-oriented—not in the sense of complaining, but in terms of risk management. They want to avoid unpleasant, painful, or embarrassing experiences. The mindset of "Not like this again!" propels them into action.

Typical Statements:

• "I don't want to end up in chaos again."
• "I don't want any more trouble with my boss."
• "I just don't want this uncertainty anymore."

Linguistically, they are often recognizable by words and phrases like: avoid, prevent, no longer, under no circumstances, get rid of, away from.

Behavioral Patterns and Strengths

• They are often forward-looking and strong in risk management.
• They detect disturbances or problems early.
• They take action once a certain level of discomfort is reached—their energy comes from the desire for relief or safety.
• They tend to think analytically and focus on security.

Possible Challenges

As valuable as the "away from" drive can be, it also has pitfalls:

• Once the problem is gone, they often lack orientation for what comes next—"Now what?"
• They can get caught in a kind of avoidance loop: always trying to get rid of something, but never truly arriving anywhere.
• Their thinking may often appear critical or pessimistic to others.
• Some remain passive for a long time until the pressure becomes too great—which can lead to stress reactions.

"Away from" people don't need a distant lighthouse—they need a clear reason not to stay lost in the fog. Their strength lies in the desire for change through relief. When working with them, it's helpful first to acknowledge the discomfort or risk before jointly defining a new direction.

How "Toward" and "Away From" Motivations Show Up in Everyday Life

1. Alarm Clock
   Anna gets up because she's looking forward to the day: an inspiring meeting, a cappuccino at her favorite café, the prospect of success. She's clearly "toward" motivated.
   Ben gets up because he wants to avoid stress with his boss. Being late is out of the question—it would only bring trouble. Ben is "away from" motivated.
2. Gym
   Nina works out because she wants to feel fit and energized. She loves the feeling after exercise. That's a "toward" impulse.
   Paul trains because he wants to avoid back pain and fears gaining weight. His motivation is clearly "away from."
3. Money & Finance
   Claudia invests in ETFs because she wants to build wealth and experience financial freedom. She thinks in opportunities—"toward."
   Uwe saves money because he absolutely doesn't want to be poor or dependent later. His motivation is "away from."
4. Learning & Exams
   David studies for the exam because he wants to graduate with honors—that's his goal. Clearly "toward."
   Julia studies because she absolutely doesn't want to fail—the thought of retaking the exam pressures her. Clearly "away from."
5. Relationships
   Sophie wants more closeness and depth in her relationship. She wants to celebrate, develop, and enjoy the connection. Pure "toward."
   Markus just wants one thing: to stop the constant arguing. The emotional conflicts exhaust him. His movement comes from "away from."
6. Career & Work
   Felix aims for a leadership position—he wants to shape, influence, and grow. Clearly "toward."
   Miriam looks for a new job because she can no longer tolerate her current one—too little appreciation, too much frustration. Her drive is "away from."
7. Housing & Environment
   Lea moves because she dreams of a bright, airy old apartment where she feels completely at home. Her decision follows the "toward" pattern.
   Tobias moves because he can no longer endure the street noise and the cramped apartment. Classic "away from" motivation.
8. Personal Development
   Sandra starts coaching because she wants to grow and develop internally. She is full of "toward" energy.
   Andreas starts coaching because he's tired of going in circles. He wants out of the rumination mode. He is typically "away from" motivated.

This Metaprogram in a Coaching Conversation

In this section, we want to take a look at an example of how a coach can use this metaprogram in the different phases of a coaching session.

Step 1: Entry – What Is It About?

Toward:
"Imagine it is going really well – what is different then?"

Away From:
"What is so burdensome that you say: This can't go on?"
"What do you absolutely not want to experience anymore?"
Purpose: Acknowledge the suffering and take the necessity for change seriously.

Step 2: Emotional Connection

Toward:
"How does it feel when you have reached your goal?"
"What is the nicest part about it?"
Purpose: Strengthen emotional motivation by making the goal feeling experienceable.

Away From:
"What happens if nothing changes?"
"What does that do to you – day by day?"
Purpose: Make the inner pressure tangible, which triggers change.

Step 3: Goal or Relief Clarification

Toward:
"What do you specifically want to achieve?"
"What would be your desired state?"
Purpose: Provide clarity and direction to concretize the vision.

Away From:
"What exactly do you want to get rid of, avoid, or stop?"
"What would be a noticeable relief for you?"
Purpose: Name the desired avoidance to create orientation.

Step 4: First Steps

Toward:
"What is a first small step toward the goal?"
"What can you do today to move forward?"
Purpose: Promote actionability and strengthen motivation through feasibility.

Away From:
"What could you do so that it is a little less bad?"
"What would be a first measure for relief?"
Purpose: Reduce pressure without creating overwhelm.

Step 5: Strengthen Resources

Toward:
"Which of your strengths help you on the way to the goal?"
"When have you already accomplished something similar?"
Purpose: Build self-confidence by activating existing abilities.

Away From:
"How have you handled such situations so far?"
"What helps you feel more control again?"
Purpose: Stability and orientation through the use of proven strategies.

Step 6: Outlook and Motivation

Toward:
"What will all be possible when you have reached your goal?"
"What changes in the long term for the better?"
Purpose: Strengthen long-term motivation through an attractive future image.

Away From:
"What does your life look like when the problem is finally gone?"
"What will then be easier, calmer, or clearer?"
Purpose: Open a realistic perspective of hope – without idealizing.

Step 7: Implementation

Toward:
"What will you concretely do by [date]?"
"How will you notice that you are making progress?"
Purpose: Commitment and focus to make progress visible.

Away From:
"What will you consciously avoid or stop this week?"
"What shows you that it has become a bit easier?"
Purpose: Small, realistic steps that bring noticeable relief.

Recognizing the Direction of Motivation in Language

You can usually recognize a person's direction of motivation quickly from their words. See if you can correctly assign these statements:

• "I want to finally feel energy and joy again."
• "I just can't endure this daily stress anymore."
• "I never want to fall into such dependence again."
• "I'm looking forward to learning new things and developing myself further."
• "I'm tired of being held back."
• "My goal is to realize my own project."
• "I wish for more freedom in my life."
• "I just have to get out of here!"
• "I'm working toward unfolding my full potential."
• "I want to finally get rid of the chaos in my everyday life."
• "I want to create, influence, and make an impact."
• "I see so many possibilities to develop myself."
• "I just don't want to make the same mistake again."
• "I want to feel alive and inspired."
• "I don't want to stay stuck anymore."

Making Motivating Offers

In many contexts, it makes sense to encourage others to accept an offer. Depending on whether someone is motivated by "toward" or "away from," offers have very different effects. Here is a structured overview of how you can tailor your offer specifically to each motivational direction – ideal also for coaches, trainers, and salespeople:

a) People with "Toward" Motivation:

They want to achieve, experience, gain

What motivates them?

• Visions and possibilities: "Achieve your goals – with ease and clarity."
• Growth & development: "Grow beyond yourself – with your next level."
• Attractive future scenarios: "Imagine how your life will look when you..."
• Reward & enjoyment: "Experience how fulfilling it is when..."

Suitable offer phrasing:

• "In this training, you will unfold your full potential."
• "Achieve your next big goals with strategy and joy."
• "Learn how to finally shape the life you desire."
• "This coaching will take you to where you really want to go."

Product types that fit well:

• Premium programs with clear goal promises
• Goal-oriented coaching, success trainings
• Motivational challenges, vision workshops
• Online courses with mission and master plan

b) People with "Away From" Motivation:

They want to get rid of, avoid, or prevent something.

What motivates them?

• Problem solving & relief: "Out of stress – into calm."
• Avoidance of pain: "This way, you avoid failing again."
• Safety & control: "Find stability in turbulent times."
• Relief & protection: "Protect yourself from emotional exhaustion."

Suitable offer phrasing:

• "Resolve blockages that are holding you back."
• "Free yourself from self-doubt and inner pressure."
• "Avoid the most common mistakes on the path to self-employment."
• "This coaching helps you end what no longer serves you."

Product types that fit well:

• Problem-solving coachings, relief formats
• Seminars like stress reduction, burnout prevention
• Safety-oriented offers (e.g., communicate without mistakes)
• Low-threshold entry aids with a "get out of..." focus

When formulating offers, it's worth addressing both motivational directions – or even separating them deliberately (e.g., with two landing pages or in sales conversations). An example of a dual phrasing could be: "Achieve professional clarity – and avoid going in circles further."

Application Example

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Why Is This Metaprogram Important?

To conclude, it's now about using a few practical examples to clearly see how versatile the applications of this meta-program are.

In coaching:
If you want to help someone get motivated, it can be crucial to recognize whether they are driven more by goals or by problems. You reach towards-type people with visions, away-from-type people by showing possible consequences.

In sales:
Customers buy either to gain something or to avoid something. The first works with promises ("Achieve your goals..."), the second with warnings ("Don't miss out...").

In leadership:
Leaders who understand how their employees are motivated can assign tasks very differently – goal-oriented or risk-conscious. This leads to clearer communication and less friction.

In team development:
A team of towards- and away-from-types needs mutual understanding. One wants to take action, the other wants to secure things – both can complement rather than disrupt if recognized.

In partnerships:
Different motivational directions often lead to misunderstandings: "I want more closeness" vs. "I don't want any more arguments" may sound similar but mean something different.

In change processes:
If you want to motivate people to change, you should know: Some follow a vision – others only act when the pressure becomes high enough.

In self-awareness:
Recognizing whether you are more towards or away-from motivated can help you clarify your goals, manage yourself better, and move more purposefully.

In rhetoric and presentations:
Using both language patterns reaches more people: "Imagine how much better it could be..." AND "Avoid having the same thing happen to you..."

Whether you're someone who wakes up thinking, "I want to make a difference!" or "I just must not make mistakes!" – both reveal something about your inner map.

The meta-program Towards – Away-from opens a door to more understanding, motivation, and clarity – for yourself and for others.

Metaprograms

are the filters through which we see the world.

They determine how we take in information and react to it.