Courage to Lead: Self-Motivation for Leaders

Which One Is Braver?

Once, a king’s advisors asked him to decide which of two warriors was braver. Both had proven themselves equally through heroic deeds. One had the heart of a lion—proud, fearless, unwavering. The other’s heart was always filled with worries; he was as nervous as a mouse. “Surely,” the advisors said, “Your Majesty, you’ll choose the first, for he’s brave to his very core, whereas the other must force himself to be brave.” “Indeed, you’re right,” said the king. “And for that reason, I choose the second.”

Perhaps resolute action doesn’t always come easily for you. So the question is how, as a leader, you get from “wanting” to “doing,” even though you feel uncertainty. You can’t buy courage, but you can continually spark it within yourself and help it grow in daily life. And you can even “borrow” it. How? This article offers insights, encouraging you to broaden your capacity for courage step by step—by adding more flexibility to the ways you perceive, think, and act.

Feeling Courage – An Experiment

When it comes to everyday decisions, constructive team relations, or effective problem-solving, do you ever need “courage” in your leadership routine? Leading often means being in the spotlight, having authority over others, controlling or influencing how things go. And it also means bearing responsibility, making decisions, providing direction even amid your own doubts, and fulfilling your role model function. For many leaders, that’s not all fun and requires a fair amount of courage or self-overcoming.

To explore this, I start with a workshop exercise. The group forms circles of 8–10 people. Each circle receives the same assignment: a ball must be passed from a designated starting person around the circle so every participant catches it once, and it ends at the starter’s hands again. After 2–3 runs, the circle’s passing order is established, each knows from whom to get the ball and to whom to throw it. Next, the group aims to speed up the sequence (originally taking about 10–15 seconds) so that 3 balls complete the route in under 5 seconds, following the same throwing order.

At first, there are skeptical faces: “Is that even possible?” Then the group tries to do it faster, but sees it’s not enough just to pass the ball quickly. Eventually, they challenge the “circle formation” and the method of “catching the ball,” letting them adopt brand new approaches. Suddenly, the solution is easy and the 3-ball passing finishes in just a few seconds.

Soon, we see satisfied faces, happy with the fun and success from testing creative ideas. Maybe the balls roll down a sloped arrangement of arms, or slip through a vertical tube of hands from top to bottom, or simply get touched in sequence by each person standing tightly in a circle. Then I ask: “How happy are you with your personal contribution to that improvement process? How well did you demonstrate the courage to lead—did you, for instance, take initiative, share suggestions, fix mistakes, challenge old patterns, or adopt others’ ideas?” The group’s sudden hush shows a heightened engagement. Next: “What kind of courage did the group need here? Which did you notice in yourself or others?” The replies pour out, I collect them on a flip chart: the courage to experiment, to be first, make errors, start again, accept closeness, accept compromise, etc.

We use that list for the next reflection each participant does privately: “If you were satisfied with yourself, what made that happen? Which kind of courage did you feel or show? How do you normally display it? Or, if you have any wishes for yourself, which brand of courage would you have liked more of? And in what parallels does this exercise mirror real life?”

What Is Courage?

By Aristotle’s idea, courage (like any virtue) lies between two extremes: cowardice and foolhardiness. Courage is dynamic, adjusting each time to find the middle ground between timid hesitation and rash action. It’s also shaped by each person’s knowledge and life experience—an individual weighing of risk and opportunity. The more fear or worry at play, or the bigger one perceives the risk, the more courage it takes to respond appropriately. Being open and honest with employees, colleagues, and your own superiors can make you vulnerable. Making decisions, taking action—there’s always a chance of error. Letting go of responsibility or control can require you to trust others more.

Sometimes, the temptation is to avoid short-term risks by:

Avoiding conflict or ignoring subtle sniping among employees, with the rationale that they’re all “mature adults” who’ll figure it out themselves
Not addressing a steady drop in performance or deferring that talk, hoping it’ll sort itself out
Covering up your own insecurity by going on the offense or hiding mistakes under the rug, hoping nobody notices

Yet if a leader lacks clarity, that can stifle employees’ engagement or trust and cost respect—even self-respect. On the other hand, courageous leadership clarifies direction, enabling more targeted action and reducing wasted effort. That fosters employees’ motivation to do their best. It also creates an atmosphere of trust and authenticity, building mutual respect. Imagine what that might make possible for your team, your organization. Every situation demands a new, unconscious risk/reward calculation. Become aware of that. Reflect on what courage you’re showing right now, then also see what you’re missing. This honest, mindful evaluation of your own emotional and factual stance demands the courage to question yourself. “What kind of courage do I sometimes need more of in my leadership? How will I and others know I’ve become braver in certain situations?”

A Chinese proverb says: “Those who want something, find a way; those who don’t, find an excuse.” By internally reflecting, you shift your focus to what you want to achieve, automatically scanning for ways to realize it.

Habits: The Bonds That Restrain Us

The more you do or think something, the more it becomes a habit. Soon, you do it without thinking, guided by unconscious routines—an “autopilot.” Remember learning to drive? Everything was new and overwhelming—braking, shifting, looking, deciding, plus the instructor’s directions! But soon it was second nature, freeing your brain for things like conversation or music. Today, you probably blink or signal automatically.

Once we find a method or viewpoint helpful, the brain often “streamlines” it for next time. Repetition cements the skill deeper, from the cortex into the midbrain, eventually forming a stable habit. This mechanism is vital, preventing meltdown from daily decisions. Yet it can also create “comfortable” patterns that hamper stepping out of your comfort zone, hinder personal growth, or hamper learning new approaches.

To expand your usual behavior, you must overcome internal barriers, altering deeply ingrained mindsets. Especially if change wasn’t your own idea, you may see it as a burden. It counters our need for security and familiarity. We know what we have in the old. The new is unknown. That leads to worry, reluctance, skepticism. This is a normal first reaction in any development process—personal or professional. It’s helpful to realize and accept that from the start.

Expanding the Circle of the Known

Think back to the initial exercise: the circle arrangement had to be undone to spark new solutions. Similarly, reflect on how you could expand or leave behind your comfortable “circle” of known behaviors. How do you “get hungry” for novelty? What fosters your willingness to accept some risk? It’s better to take small, feasible steps than to push so hard you freeze up. Fear merely erects mental blocks, stalling growth and overshadowing your attempt to push boundaries. Then you retreat to your old “safe harbor,” halting any real progress. If you’d like to gradually enlarge your leadership repertoire, it’s helpful to examine how you make your decisions. We’ll look at a simple model of information processing that can hint at practical ways to encourage yourself.

Sensing Courage – Building Self-Awareness

First, we gather data via our senses—sight, sound, touch, smell, taste. Each second, an enormous volume of data flows in. Our sense organs filter heavily so we can focus on just a fraction. Try this: in the room you’re in, look around for everything that’s blue and note at least five such items. Done? Now close your eyes and recall all red objects in the same room. You probably had trouble thinking of red items because your attention was locked on blue. This is “selective perception”: you highlight certain things and filter out others—shaped by your experiences, beliefs, preferences. You form a subjective worldview, which you treat as “reality,” guiding your thoughts and actions. Sometimes you can’t even imagine alternative perspectives or solutions.

We’re all shaped by upbringing and schooling, where weaknesses or errors were often the focus, overshadowing praise for what we do well. So we still easily spot deficits. But you can choose which aspects to highlight. If you can choose, why not choose self-encouragement?

So ask yourself: When in life were you brave and saw positive results? What episodes made you proud? Don’t forget everyday moments where you overcame internal or external resistance, trusted someone, or crossed a boundary beyond which there was no turning back—moments where you recognized the payoff.

Let one of these “courageous” memories fully return to your mind as if it’s happening now. What do you see, hear, or feel? Where is your “home of courage” in your body? Immerse yourself in this memory as vividly as possible. For which upcoming challenge is this just the right resource? What might remind you of this moment of courage? A symbol, an image, a color, a gesture, or a sound you can use as a “trigger” to spark that feeling again?

Such triggers are called “anchors” in NLP. You deliberately associate a stimulus (symbol, image, gesture, etc.) with a past experience. The more often you recall your courage and your past successes, the stronger the “power” of habit becomes. With each repetition, it embeds deeper in your brain. In addition, visualize using that same capability in a future, specific scenario to help you respond appropriately. Pretend mentally that what you wish from yourself is already real. Savor the joy and pride of having achieved what you set out to do. Your brain stores it as experience, because it cannot distinguish between a constructed image (fantasy) and a remembered image (reality). This not only boosts your motivation and will to act; it also increases the likelihood of your vision coming true. Contributing here is that human inclination to “be proven right.” We seek confirmation and evidence for our opinions, beliefs, feelings, and actions—even if we’re technically off track. It’s like having a rifle scope for your goal: we lock onto it and unavoidably move closer!

Next, pay close attention to what might make you feel insecure in certain situations—what’s preventing vigorous action? Since courage involves facing fear, we need to acknowledge existing fears. Which worries are at play? Between which poles are you torn? And which needs underlie them? The clearer you are about what concerns you, the easier it is to plan for the “worst case” scenario—looking the “enemy in the eye” and figuring out plan B, C, etc. You can consider how to respond to people’s likely reactions. This instills calm so you can face the challenge rather than run away. It often also reveals that your “nightmare scenario” existed only in your mind.

Careful observation—looking, listening inward, and feeling—are critical. Recognizing your previously demonstrated capabilities, your untapped reserves, and your current limits nurtures genuine self-awareness. It underpins your courage to influence and guide others. It also helps you define the next incremental, confidence-building step for yourself.

Encouraging Thoughts & Emotions – Strengthening Self-Worth

Perception forms mental “facts” in our brains through how we interpret incoming information. Even 2,000 years ago, the philosopher Epictetus taught that events are neither good nor bad—the way we think about them makes them so. You have a choice in how you process new data and what significance you assign to your sensory impressions. How do you see yourself and your abilities? Suppose you believe you can make your point clear to your employees and get them on board. Suppose you trust yourself to make the right decision.

For action—especially courageous action—there must be a compelling reason. Before taking on a task, you (consciously or subconsciously) gauge whether success is realistic. You only get moving if you believe the outcome is feasible and that you can overcome obstacles. So encouraging yourself and reinforcing faith in your talents requires an optimistic baseline. That includes confidence that you can shape your future. Henry Ford put it this way: “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right!”

Indeed, your belief can “move mountains,” but it isn’t fixed. It took shape over time, and now that it’s entrenched, contradictory information rarely jars it. You simply ignore or reinterpret new facts in a way that reaffirms your outlook—so you can be “right.” But remember: it’s still your own construct, so you can prove a helpful conviction to yourself just as well.

It matters which successes or future images you focus on. They act like a self-fulfilling prophecy, realized because you (often unconsciously) behave in ways consistent with your expectation. The same is proven by the “placebo effect,” where merely believing a pill helps can relieve pain.

Each evening, recall three things you did well that day. Also briefly imagine how some key tasks for tomorrow will turn out positively. You’ll see that it makes a difference—try it!

Ask yourself: “What am I saying to myself? What do I believe about my leadership? ‘I love leading—I do it well—I can approach people—I’ll find a way—my employees are great…’” Or do creeping thoughts about past mishaps reappear: “I’ve never succeeded—this will fail again—why waste the effort—again the bull in a china shop…?” That fosters discouragement rather than determined action, right?

What if you could reassign that “inner critic”—who wants to protect you from setbacks—to a new, more constructive role, like a “quality-check manager?” And what if a negative monologue could become a productive dialogue? My “inner QA officer” is named Max and “sits on my shoulder” if danger looms, listing all the difficulties. Great—then I ask him: “What else can I do? What else do I need to watch out for?” Beneath that question is the assumption that solutions exist. I keep going, trying or training. Over time, frustration yields to curiosity and optimism, letting me get better and eventually succeed.

The conversation might follow the approach of Theo Schoenaker: it’s like a good friendship, acknowledging negative sides but not dwelling on them, and trusting “Recognize your weaknesses, highlight your strengths, and know that you are good enough as you are” (Mut tut gut, p.149).

You decide what you believe about yourself—whether your self-talk undermines or enhances you. You alone create those feelings of self-belief or helplessness. Not “success” or “failure,” but your interpretation. Are you delighted by wins, proud of yourself, sure you can replicate them? Or do you think “I was lucky,” bracing for the next “certain failure?” If something didn’t go as planned, do you chalk it up to “just a bad day” and quickly figure out how to do better next time? Or say “it’s typical me” and sink into frustration?

Your thoughts shape your mood. Take control, forging a resourceful approach to your experiences. Boost your self-worth with helpful ideas and positive feelings, and find practical ways to deal with perceived events.

Acting Bravely – Building Self-Assurance

Any internal attitude shows externally, because it’s the basis of how we decide to act. A healthy self-awareness—grounded in honest recognition of your achievements, your future steps, plus trust in your own abilities—creates a well-founded self-esteem, which emerges as genuine confidence in your body language and words. Paul Watzlawick stated you can’t not communicate; likewise, you can’t not act. Every action yields consequences, so does inaction. The question: how burdensome are those consequences? Are you prepared to live with them? Could they lead to staff conflict, friction with your boss, job loss, internal resignation, or burnout?

Avoiding conflict, mistakes, or unrest is a reaction to perceived threats. It’s a “preemptive obedience” that may protect you short-term but prevents new experiences and cements your boundaries. Usually it’s not a permanent solution; it’s a postponement that can make matters worse. That’s not what you as a leader are hired for. So watch for any avoidance impulses as early signals, letting you address issues calmly and show leadership strength. Often it’s soon enough to examine your action options in a “cool-headed” manner and set conditions for a “test run.”

Self-confident action needs a sense of control. With plan B, C, etc., you’re prepared for contingencies. By taking small steps, you don’t overwhelm yourself but keep pushing gently—much as you help employees broaden their own comfort zones. Check if your steps truly lead toward the goal. If not, correct. If yes, celebrate and keep moving. Nothing motivates like success. By chunking your goals into smaller achievements, you experience frequent “wins.” So, what’s your next step toward becoming more courageous as a leader?

Surely you know bosses who impressed you. They’re typically “constructive” leaders. They related to people as humans, not “riding tall.” As a leader, you can’t solve everything for employees but can empower them to pursue solutions. Similarly, you can “borrow courage” from bold individuals—by closely observing them. Identify the behaviors you want to incorporate into your own system. Courage is contagious.

Practicing Flexibility in Daily Life

Courage is like a muscle: if it stops getting exercised or needed, it atrophies. So feed your “appetite for the new” and your ability to handle unfamiliar situations by practicing flexibility in perception, thought, and action.

Some ways to bolster your “self-encouragement” muscle:

Mental Switching Exercises

Consider this shape:

“Is it a protruding balcony corner or a receding niche? Are you looking into a corner of a room where a cube’s inside or outside is visible?” Notice your immediate interpretation. Then deliberately switch to the other viewpoints. Practice toggling among these various perspectives in your mind.

Changing Perspectives

Especially in budding conflicts, think: “How does my counterpart perceive the world? With what lens does my colleague, boss, or child see things?” Attempt to understand that vantage point. You’ll sense how it feels for them. It not only fosters empathy but broadens your own horizon.

From One-Way to Intersection

If you see only a single way to respond to a challenge, pause and brainstorm more. Don’t stop until you free yourself from your “one-way street” and get at least four intersection directions: What if I tried the opposite of my current idea? Could I do a hybrid of the two? If I do neither, what else is left? How might a different leader tackle this? What else have I seen done?

Escape Your Rut

Consciously invite new experiences and break your routine. Perhaps skip your usual morning radio or switch to a different station. Take a new route to work. Buy a different newspaper. Host people you don’t know very well. Go to events you’ve never attended. Greet your employees differently, alter the agenda in your regular meetings. Let yourself do something new daily. You might find an approach better than the old one. If not, try another new approach. Experiment daily and be surprised!

Spotting Courage

How do people you consider brave look and act? Which signals show their boldness? Is it a steady gaze, upright posture, something else? How do they sound? Clear, “I-statement” phrases, a firm voice that leaves no doubt? Courage radiates outward and inspires others to do likewise. Go searching for those everyday moments where you or others demonstrate it. Maybe in the supermarket line, if someone pushes in front of you, or if a friend breaks a promise. The moment of decision is like drawing a bowstring, ready to release an arrow, no turning back. Notice that instant in yourself when you say, “All right, I’ll say something now,” or intervene. Savor what you feel after letting the arrow fly—once it’s out in the open and irreversible.

The more often you consciously look for courage, the more you’ll see it in others, and the more you’ll find it in yourself.

I wish you many encouraging experiences!

Suggested Readings:

Intro story “Who Is Braver?” from: Lloyd Alexander, Lukas Kasha oder der Trick des Gauklers. Stuttgart, 1983.

Exercise “Flying Balls” from: Bernd Heckmair, Konstruktiv lernen. Weinheim and Basel, 2005 (2^nd ed.).

Jenny Niederstadt: “Gewohnheiten verhindern Innovation,” http://www.wiwo.de/management-erfolg/gewohnheiten-verhindern-innovationen-405198/

Theo Schoenaker, Mut tut gut. Bocholt, 2011 (16^th ed.) The “square with multiple perspectives” is from the Erfahrungsfeld Freudenberg catalog, Wiesbaden 1999/2000.

Inspired by Galileo Galilei’s idea, I’ve spent many years guiding organizations through changes and delivering “communication experiences.” These:

Bring people into dialogue with themselves and each other
Encourage trying new things
Facilitate learning through direct experience

Let me encourage you to face your own challenges. Give me a call or drop a note—I look forward to hearing from you!

Kommunikationserlebnisse, Elke Kammerer
Metzstraße 14
60487 Frankfurt am Main
Phone: (+49) 069 777 873
Mobile: (+49) 0163 838 0131
Email: ek@kommunikationserlebnisse.de
Website: www.kommunikationserlebnisse.de