The Fifth Attitude: Congruence

Virginia Satir believed that a large part of miscommunication stems from incongruences in communication.

Congruence is not actually another survival attitude, but rather a way of becoming human in a broader sense, and it is also a state of wholeness.

Congruence is one of the most important components of the Satir model. It is a state of being and a way of communicating with oneself and with others. Strong self-respect and congruence are two of the most important signs that people have reached a certain degree of wholeness in their development. Congruence is characterized by:

• the appreciation of the uniqueness of the self
• the free flow of personal and interpersonal energy
• the claiming of personhood
• the willingness to trust oneself and others
• the willingness to take risks and be vulnerable
• utilization of one's inner and outer resources
• openness to intimacy
• the freedom to be oneself and accept others
• love for oneself and others
• flexibility and openness to change.

Congruence includes three levels according to Virginia Satir:

Level 1: Aware Accept Level 2: Aware Accept Experience Level 3: Aware Accept Experience (Being)

Working Toward Congruence

To help people communicate in a congruent way, Virginia Satir compiled a list of important guidelines:

Congruence refers both to a state of being and a quality of communication. On the first of the three levels, congruence involves acknowledging and accepting our inner experiences (sensations, interpretations, and the resulting feelings about those feelings). On the second level, congruence involves listening to our perceptions and expectations and translating them into a pattern that responsibly meets our needs by addressing our desires. On level 3, we develop in harmony with our spiritual essence or with what Virginia Satir referred to as the universal life force.