The Four Satir Types (Survival Stances)

Virginia Satir identified four categories of communication or stances that people adopt when they are under stress. Each of these Satir categories is characterized by a specific body posture, gestures, accompanying bodily sensations, and a particular syntax.

Overview of the Four Satir Types

Communication Form (Role)	Description	Access Questions
The Placator	"I'm just happy that I'm even allowed to be here." Use of restrictions: when, only, just, at all Use of many conditionals: could, would, etc. Disruption by mind-reading	Body Posture: slumped, swaying, head tilted upwards, hand extended forward in a begging gesture Voice: whiny, squeaky, strained
The Blamer	"If you weren't here, the world would be completely fine!" Universal quantifiers: all, everyone, never. Assumed causal relationships (if, then: because ...) Use of negative questions: Why don’t you do it? Disruption by claiming causal relationships	Body Posture: tense, distorted, shallow, pressed breathing Voice: loud, shrill, harsh
The Distractor	"I can’t think of anything, or—wait, yesterday I met an actor who didn’t know either..." Arbitrary use of all three mentioned speech patterns. Missing references and connections. Rapid switching between the above patterns.	Body Posture: Uncoordinated movements of the head, torso, and limbs Voice: Fidgety, fast, restless
The Rationalizer (Computer)	"Upon calm and objective consideration, one can conclude that..." Deletion of reference indices. Use of nominalizations. Use of nouns without reference index: it, one, people, etc. Deletion of subject/subject reference.	Body Posture: Unmoved, tense, with few reactions Voice: Monotonous, dry

1. Pacifying

Pacifying is one of the four main ways we react when we feel our survival is threatened.
When we pacify, we disregard our own feelings about our worth, surrender our power to someone else, and say yes to everything. A person who tends to pacify takes others and the context into account, but their own true feelings are ignored.

Pacifying pretends to be agreeable, which is highly valued in most cultures and families.
However, pacifying differs from the congruent effort to please someone. We pacify at the cost of our own worth. When we pacify, we disregard our self-esteem and send the message to the other person that we are not important.

Pacifying Reaction

• Words: agreeing ("Whatever you want is fine. I exist only to make you happy.")
• Body: reconciles ("I am helpless.")
• Thoughts and feelings: ("I feel like nothing; without him, I would be dead. I am worthless.")

The Reconciler always speaks in a flattering manner; he tries to please; he apologizes and never disagrees with anything, no matter what comes. He is a yes-sayer.

He speaks as though he cannot do anything for himself. He always has to find someone who recognizes him. Later, you will notice that if you play this role for just five minutes, you will feel nauseous and want to break down. To appear truly pacifying, it helps to give in to the idea that you are worthless.

You may feel lucky that you are even allowed to eat. You owe everyone thanks, and you are really responsible for everything that goes wrong. You know you could have prevented the rain if you had just used your head, but you don't even have one. Of course, you will agree with every criticism about yourself. You are naturally grateful for the fact that anyone even speaks to you, no matter what or how they say it. You would never think of demanding anything for yourself. After all, who are you to make demands?

Also, if only you were good enough, it would come naturally. Be the stickiest, most suffering, foot-kissing person you can be. Imagine your body with one knee bent, a little wobbly, one hand outstretched in a begging manner, and make sure your head is tilted way up, and you will quickly get a headache. When you speak in this position, your voice will be whining and squeaky because you are holding your body so hunched over that you don't have enough air for a rich, full voice. You will say "yes" to everything, no matter what you feel or think. This pacifying figure is the body posture that corresponds to the reconciled reaction form.

2. Accusing

Accusing is the exact opposite of pacifying.
The accusing stance is an incongruent reflection of the societal rule that we should stand up for ourselves and accept no excuses, inconveniences, or insults from anyone – in short, that we must not be "weak".

To protect ourselves, we attack other people or the circumstances and accuse them.
When we accuse, the others do not count for us, only ourselves and the context. When we have adopted the accusatory stance, we are often seen as hostile, tyrannical, complaining, or violent.

Accusing Reaction

• Words: not agreeing ("You never do anything right. What's wrong with you?")
• Body: accusatory, demanding ("I am the boss here.")
• Thoughts and feelings: "I am lonely and unsuccessful."

The Accuser is a "fault-finder," a dictator, a boss. He behaves arrogantly, and it seems as if he's saying, "If you weren't here, everything would be fine." Internally, the muscles and organs feel tense. Blood pressure rises. The voice is harsh, firm, often shrill and loud. Convincing "accusing" requires you to be as loud and tyrannical as possible. Tear everything and everyone down.

To appear accusatory, it helps to imagine you have a pointing finger and start with phrases like: "You never do this," or "You always do that," or "Why do you always..." or "Why do you never..." and so on. Don't care about the answers. That's unimportant.

The Accuser is more focused on asserting his importance than actually finding something out. Whether you realize it or not, when you accuse, you breathe in small, shallow breaths or hold your breath altogether because your throat muscles are so tense. Have you ever seen a real top-tier Accuser, whose eyes bulged, throat muscles and nostrils flared, who turned red, and whose voice sounded like someone shoveling coal?

Imagine yourself with one hand on your hip, the other arm extended with a straight index finger. Your face is distorted, your lips curled, your nostrils quivering as you shout insults and criticize everything under the sun. You also don't believe in your worth. If you find someone who obeys you, then you feel at least somewhat important.

3. Distracting (Irrelevant Reacting)

The fourth survival stance is irrelevant reaction, often confused with being amusing or playing the clown. The irrelevant pattern is the counterpart to the overly-rational. When people behave irrelevantly, they are constantly in motion.

It is an attempt to distract the attention of others from the topics being discussed.

The irrelevant reactor constantly produces new ideas and wants to do myriad things simultaneously.

Self, Others, and the context of interaction do not matter for such individuals when they are in the stance of irrelevance.

The public often describes people who behave irrelevantly as spontaneous and cheerful. Often, irrelevant behavior develops into general erraticness in life, making them seem aimless. As long as they manage to divert attention from topics that are even remotely stressful for them, they believe they will survive. They are unable to focus on a specific topic.

Distracting Reaction

• Words: unrelated, trivial, words do not make sense
• Body: angular and pointing in different directions.
• Thoughts and feelings: ("No one cares about me. I don't belong anywhere.")

Whatever the distractor says or does, it has no relation to what anyone else says or does. They never directly respond to a question. Internally, they feel dizzy or blurred. The voice can be sing-song and often doesn't match the words; it can move up and down without reason, as it is directed nowhere.

When you play this distracting role, it helps to imagine you have a misaligned head that constantly turns, so you don't know where you're going and don’t notice when you arrive. You're too busy moving your mouth, eyes, arms, and legs. Make sure never to use focused words. Ignore everyone's questions, possibly responding with a question about an entirely different topic. Pull an imaginary fiber from someone’s clothing, untie shoelaces, and so on.

Imagine your body pointing in different directions at once. Cross your legs exaggeratedly by bringing your knees together. This will push your hips back and help curve your spine while bringing your arms and legs in different directions. At first, this role seems to lighten things, but after a few minutes of playing, the terrible feelings of loneliness and purposelessness will become apparent. If you move quickly enough, you may not notice them so much.

Take the four physical stances as a personal exercise. Stay in each for 60 seconds and notice what happens to you.

4. Rationalizing

The communication pattern of excessive rationalization disregards both the self and the other person.
Being excessively rational means acting solely according to the context, usually on the level of information and logic. To make ourselves aware of the excessively rational attitude, we stand rigid and immobile, with both arms by the sides of the body or symmetrically crossed in front of the body. Soon, we experience strong back pain because we are standing too rigidly.

Our feet are standing close together. Since we don't show any expression, our face appears completely neutral. When someone speaks to us, we lecture at length, seemingly cold and dignified.
The obvious characteristic of this posture is an almost inhuman objectivity. We neither allow ourselves nor others to focus on emotions. This reflects the societal convention that maturity means not moving, not looking, not touching, and not feeling.

Rational Reaction

• Words: exceedingly reasonable ("If one observes carefully, one might notice the worn hands of someone present here.")
• Body: immobile, tense ("I am calm, cool, and collected.")
• Thoughts and feelings: ("I feel slightly vulnerable.")

The Rationalizer is very correct and reasonable without showing any signs of emotion. He is calm, cool, and collected. He could be compared to a computer or a reference book. The body feels dry, often cold, and detached. The voice is dry and monotonous; the words sound somewhat abstract.

If you want to be rationalizing, use the longest words possible, even if you’re not sure of their meaning. This way, at least you’ll sound intelligent. After a paragraph, no one will listen anyway.

To get into the mood of this role, imagine your spine as a long, heavy rod extending from your backside to the back of your neck, and you have a 30 cm-wide iron collar around your neck. Keep everything about you as immobile as possible, including your mouth. It will be hard to keep your hands still, but try. When you rationalize, your voice will gradually fade because you feel nothing below your skull. Your brain constantly strives to keep everything still, and you’re focused on choosing the right words. Eventually, you must never make a mistake.

The sad part about this role is that it seems to represent an ideal for many people: "Say the right words: show no emotion, don’t react."